Roti – Do it for the Hits.

Recently it was brought to my attention that there are a lot of people using the internet in India. This is something I had previously overlooked in my quest to get hits for my blog (and subsequently, become an internet e-celebrity). I have decided to remedy this oversight immediately by including more Indian themed content, starting with this helpful recipe on how to make one of the staples of Indian cuisine, the roti. This recipe was put together from a variety of sources, many of whom have been waking up at 6am to make roti for their family every day since before I was born, so if you try it, and it doesn’t come out right, you might need a little more practice. JI HAAAA!



HUNT’S PLAGIARISED ROTI RECIPE

Ingredients:
Flour (around 250g + a bit extra for dusting)
Water
A pinch of salt
2 tablespoons of oil
ghee or butter

You will need:
Fists for pounding
A rolling pin
A cutting board
A big bowl
Some tunes
A roti pan (or a flat frypan but it isn’t as good)
Some grease proof paper

Method:
1. Put the flour and salt in a bowl and mix well.


2. Add oil and stir through. Make sure the delicious oily globules are evenly spread. I like to pretend at this point that I am Harry Potter or Hermione Granger mixing a brew in potions class for that jerk Professor Snape.


3. Your brew should look as such before you even think of adding water, Mr Potter.


4. Next, add water slowly, yeaaaah, real slow like.


5. Well might you say “well then how shall I stir it?” to which I would answer: “With a spoon you shall good sir, with a spoon”. Add the water slowly, stir a bit, add more, stir a bit until it looks like there are no dry white floury bits.


6. Your dough should now look like this. If it doesn’t you should start again and this time try not to fail as much, or it’ll be more than 10 points from gryffindor that you have to worry about.


7. Now for the fun part; take your fists of fury and pound the dough like it claimed to have dated your sister and then dumped said sister for her BFF.


8. Heat the roti pan and start rolling your roti. Sprinkle the crap out of everything with flour first. Cutting board, rolling pin, hands, invisible cape… everything. Then break off a bit of dough and make an oval shaped cake. Roll the cake out slowly, spinning it every time you roll. Flip it occasionally. There is no easy way of learning this other than practice.


9. Put the roti on the pan and while it cooks go and roll another one. Flip it after it starts to turn translucent.


10. If you are awesome your roti should rise. If you are not awesome, don’t despair, you can hang out with, or marry someone who is awesome and they will help you to be awesome by osmosis. It’s a scientific fact. Many white papers have been written on the subject and several conventions have been held in European cities with classy sounding names like Geneva and Copenhagen and Hamburger.


11. After you have flipped your roti, and it puffs up, dab some butter or ghee on the thing and press down the bits that puff up. You can use the grease proof paper for the dabbing. After you have dabbed, flip and dab a second time.


12. Repeat several times until you have a stack of roti like this. If you make this recipe, please let me know how it goes and take a picture of the finshed product!


COMMON MISTAKES/FAQ:
Q. My Roti are really crispy! Why do I suck so much?
A. You didn’t follow the recipe fool.

Q. My Roti are oddly shaped! Should I quit and become a barber?
A. No! Hold an Australian themed Roti party instead!

Q. My dog ate my roti!
A. That old bit? 10 points from Gryffindor.

Q. Wassap bro! Woooow! Great blog man! Would organic wholemeal flour be gnarly in this recipe or what?
A. Only if you want it to no longer be enjoyable to eat.

Q. Do you do catering for functions and weddings?
A. No.