Roti – Do it for the Hits.

Recently it was brought to my attention that there are a lot of people using the internet in India. This is something I had previously overlooked in my quest to get hits for my blog (and subsequently, become an internet e-celebrity). I have decided to remedy this oversight immediately by including more Indian themed content, starting with this helpful recipe on how to make one of the staples of Indian cuisine, the roti. This recipe was put together from a variety of sources, many of whom have been waking up at 6am to make roti for their family every day since before I was born, so if you try it, and it doesn’t come out right, you might need a little more practice. JI HAAAA!



HUNT’S PLAGIARISED ROTI RECIPE

Ingredients:
Flour (around 250g + a bit extra for dusting)
Water
A pinch of salt
2 tablespoons of oil
ghee or butter

You will need:
Fists for pounding
A rolling pin
A cutting board
A big bowl
Some tunes
A roti pan (or a flat frypan but it isn’t as good)
Some grease proof paper

Method:
1. Put the flour and salt in a bowl and mix well.


2. Add oil and stir through. Make sure the delicious oily globules are evenly spread. I like to pretend at this point that I am Harry Potter or Hermione Granger mixing a brew in potions class for that jerk Professor Snape.


3. Your brew should look as such before you even think of adding water, Mr Potter.


4. Next, add water slowly, yeaaaah, real slow like.


5. Well might you say “well then how shall I stir it?” to which I would answer: “With a spoon you shall good sir, with a spoon”. Add the water slowly, stir a bit, add more, stir a bit until it looks like there are no dry white floury bits.


6. Your dough should now look like this. If it doesn’t you should start again and this time try not to fail as much, or it’ll be more than 10 points from gryffindor that you have to worry about.


7. Now for the fun part; take your fists of fury and pound the dough like it claimed to have dated your sister and then dumped said sister for her BFF.


8. Heat the roti pan and start rolling your roti. Sprinkle the crap out of everything with flour first. Cutting board, rolling pin, hands, invisible cape… everything. Then break off a bit of dough and make an oval shaped cake. Roll the cake out slowly, spinning it every time you roll. Flip it occasionally. There is no easy way of learning this other than practice.


9. Put the roti on the pan and while it cooks go and roll another one. Flip it after it starts to turn translucent.


10. If you are awesome your roti should rise. If you are not awesome, don’t despair, you can hang out with, or marry someone who is awesome and they will help you to be awesome by osmosis. It’s a scientific fact. Many white papers have been written on the subject and several conventions have been held in European cities with classy sounding names like Geneva and Copenhagen and Hamburger.


11. After you have flipped your roti, and it puffs up, dab some butter or ghee on the thing and press down the bits that puff up. You can use the grease proof paper for the dabbing. After you have dabbed, flip and dab a second time.


12. Repeat several times until you have a stack of roti like this. If you make this recipe, please let me know how it goes and take a picture of the finshed product!


COMMON MISTAKES/FAQ:
Q. My Roti are really crispy! Why do I suck so much?
A. You didn’t follow the recipe fool.

Q. My Roti are oddly shaped! Should I quit and become a barber?
A. No! Hold an Australian themed Roti party instead!

Q. My dog ate my roti!
A. That old bit? 10 points from Gryffindor.

Q. Wassap bro! Woooow! Great blog man! Would organic wholemeal flour be gnarly in this recipe or what?
A. Only if you want it to no longer be enjoyable to eat.

Q. Do you do catering for functions and weddings?
A. No.

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Hey buddy guy! You sorta look like this guy I know!

The human compulsion to organise and categorise elements of day-to-day life means that we like to find things that are similar to other things. In my day to day life I step this up a notch and rank everything. I have a top 5 for a lot of things that are barely important enough for most people to discuss. This is a post for another day, but just as an example, my top 3 fish to eat are without a doubt: Coral Trout, Red Emperor and Mahimahi (this is of course subject to change should I try something more delicious in the future).

This need for categorisation and order runs into a stumbling block when it comes to people. This is why there are so many online personality tests that we are constantly bombarded with on facebook and other internetty type places. I recently completed a very-slightly-hippie-themed test called “The Animal in You” (http://www.animalinyou.com/test.php for those playing at home, please do the test and leave your results in the comments section). After a grueling session of about 8 multiple choice questions I was informed I am a Wild Dog. The description was actually fairly accurate. It is difficult to capture and categorise every element of a personality though, because as people we are really diverse. Every person has a set of different little nuances that make them unique from others that might be otherwise similar.

This, you will be relieved to know, finally brings me to the point of the blog post: visual categorisation. Even though there are billions of people on the planet, for the most part we all look different, but this diversity is a chaotic rebel that sits at odds with our need for categorisation. Due to our enlightened age of racial tolerence we can’t just categorise people’s looks solely by race (and nor should we) so instead of labels, we get all comparative. People are always telling other people who they remind each other of. Why? Why for we do this to each other? Well kids, it’s because it makes us feel like everything is under control. It’s also fun when you are on a bus. In the last couple of years I have been getting hit with this a lot, and these comparisons range from plausible to hilarious. So please, allow me to share with you now my top 5 doppelgangers in order of descending frequency. Well, I did warn you that I like to rank things…

#1 My Brother

The obvious choice, and the only lookalike I have where the possibility of twinship is invoked. My mother adamantly denies that we look anything alike, maybe because this is how she stills sees us. We’ve been asked if we were twins by Fijians, Whities and Africans. The Africans also thought Kyle might be our younger brother which is very astute of them. They obviously did their background research on facebook.


#2 Jesus

A friend of mine at work thinks I look like the actor who plays the main guy in passion of the Christ, and Connie’s Nonna and Aunties all agree I look a lot like Jesus. This has recently been compounded by the growing of my hair and the trimming of my beard. One Easter I got to wear a loin cloth in church because I was playing the part of Jesus in the Easter Sunday play. I had to suck it in pretty hard though when they were putting me on the cross because I had a bad case of IT belly. The soundtrack to this event was a song from Radiohead’s OK computer. It was the funnest and best church drama ever.


#3 “My friend from WA”

I am convinced one of my ancestors had some illegitimate children in the West, because it is uncanny how often people talk about some distant friend of theirs in Western Australia that I remind them of. Statistically speaking the state of choice should be Victoria, which would be really upsetting, or Queensland which I guess would be cool. I’m not really sure what to think about WA. I guess some cool bands are from there.


#4 Seth Rogen

This is one I don’t see, but it has been common enough that there must be something to it. It was first started by some people I only knew on the internet. Perhaps they were trying to insult me? I’m not sure if it is an insult or not.


#5 Zach Galifianakis

I’m sure this last one is an insult. I tell myself it’s just the beard they are seeing so that I don’t cry myself to sleep at night. I suppose the case for the affirmative is best made when I have slightly crazy hair and a big beard. Today is just a crazy hair day, but you can use your imagination.


Honorable mentions: Tom Hanks in ‘Castaway’, Some guy from heartbreak high (younger days)



So there’s the list. What do you think? Is it accurate? Who are your doppelgangers? What do you say to someone who compares you to a famous face that looks like it got a bit of a whupping from the ugly stick? Is this all vanity and insanity? Comment/like/link OK?

Kaivalagi in Paradise: An Immersive Experience of Fiji

Hello, and welcome to this very special and wonderful experience. Through the wonders of modern technology we are about to take you on a magical journey to the heart of Fiji without you ever leaving your chair. Take a few moments to breathe and relax your body. When you are ready you may click below to begin. Turn your speakers on or put your headphones in, relax and be transported to the tropical islands of Fiji…

click

If you are viewing this on an iphone, you might be disappointed.